A.L.F

I am tired

2010-03-26T20:10:00.000-07:00

This post, is a general one. I am hurt very much. I am tired. Exhausted. I have the feeling that some people, or the environment is fooling me. I am tired to be the one who always have to lose.

Life has been difficult for me these few days. My fault. I spend my whole holidays studying dynamics, without thinking of the need for me to rest. Studying like it's a study week, I did not have the time to enjoy or to relax or to be happy. All the time I was thinking on how to maximize my time to study for everything.

Then the semester started, with me being the class rep have to meet two lecturers because we ME students have two clashing tests. It was a not a good meeting I must say as both the lecturers were blaming the students which in that case was me, for not telling them earlier. I say it was our fault, the ME students for not checking the E-learning frequently for any news. But then the students said the news were only uploaded in the E-learning during the mid-semester break. One of the two lecturer said he uploaded the news 1 month ago. I just do not know what to say. But before the meeting ended, we were all happy. I was happy, the two lecturers were happy too because of something that I should not disclose here.

Alhamdulillah, I managed to do well in both of the tests. By Wednesday, I was struggling to find the time for me to rest. And I did not managed to rest.

Thursday was fine.

Friday.

Many setbacks.

****

And still, I have not write about what I wanted to write in the first place. Why am I so forgiving??! It hurts very much!

My new year resolutions

2009-12-31T22:26:00.000-08:00

Okay yesterday was 2009. I will put 2009 as a year of mostly sad events. But in order to make sure 2010 is a better year, I have plans.

1.Pray 5 times a day.
2.Pray in the mosque at least 3 times a day.
3. Be more active in extra-curricular activities.
4.Consistent and score more in studies.
5.Read more.
6.Appreciate people around me. Hehe
7.To be continued.

2009...

2009-12-30T22:45:00.000-08:00

It has been quite a while since I last updated my blog. It's almost 2010. For the past year, there have been many things happening in my life. There were things that made me truly happy and of course there were also things that made me hurt.I have faced a lot of things in the past year, which I think one has to face, to grow older and be more mature.

I am writing this with a huge pain in the heart. I myself am not sure the reason for this. Hormonal imbalance, as my mom used to say. Perhaps.

This year started with a big joy, for me as usual. I was very happy with the beginning of a new year, with many New year Resolutions. My dad brought me a Firefox Lerun bycicle. I liked it, and still like it. i love it actually. But, being a homo sapiens, we will never be satisfied with what we have. Right?

After a few months using it, I was aiming higher. A car. Yep. But that's ok. We just dream of having many things. Its normal. Then, looking at a few friends of mine having bought cars, jealousy came. Say hi to Mr Jealous

Hi Mr Jealous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He has been one of the greatest contributor to my pain in the heart. It did not stop there. Looking at my friends appearance, the clothes they wear, the watches, the glasses, the cell phones, oh god i could not bear those things. How can someone better than me? How can someone richer than me? Not logical, in my mind at least. I spent a lot of money on clothes, anything actually, just to make sure I don’t feel inferior in front of my friends. I wanted people to say, “ wow, that’s abuzar we’re talking about.”, “Waa.. so expensive lar ur shirt.. u look nice”. Although somehow, there were those kinds of comments, I was not satisfied.

Mr Greed came. Say hi to Mr. Greedy.

Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

This fellow said to me to buy more, compete with those filthy rich friends of mine. So, now you know why I was always feeling a bit sad, throughout this year. These two friends of mine really cost me my happiness. What a wasteful year.

Just for the info, Mr abuzar was used to be a happy person, a truly happy person. Why? Ouh my heart was full, almost full with Quranic verses, I did not have the time to getting jealous of people. It was simply not there. The only thing that made me feel uneasy was people getting higher marks than me. I will always make sure that I study the hardest, the smartest among all my friends. Taking exams with calm, I would let God to decide my marks, and whatever they were, the first thing that came out from my mind would be “Alhamdulillah”. If the results were not that satisfying, I would restructure my study plans, it always worked. Always.

Now I realize, that we should live within our limits. Always be grateful. We should not be ashamed of ourselves living within our limits. We should be proud of it. Why? We are realistic people. We are happy people. We don’t owe much to others. Is not that the true happiness-able to live in peace in the mind, without have to think about money before going to sleep ? I am very lucky I realized this now for I might forget what happiness was all about.

I wear Cheetah’s and I am grateful for it.

I wear Casio watch and I am grateful for it.

I wear Power shoes and I am grateful for it.

I do not have a car and I am grateful I have legs.

But I don’t have Iman, and I am going to make sure I get it soon, for that is the true happiness.

I used to say to myself that by the age of 30, I must have a Ferrari F430, I bungalow in Jalan Bakam, a happy family, a Mercedez-Benz, and there goes the never ending list…

Last week, I almost ended up in the luxurious Barzakh world. My family planned went to Explanade, a beautiful beach in Miri. Beside the beach, there is a small river where we bathed. What a family vacation. My dad and Osman put a net a gainst the river current. These two are the kaki pancing of my family. Samra was with me, and Salman and Hamra too. Mom was sitting besides the river and reading her favourite newspaper-The Borneo Post. And just before we packed our things up, we decided to jump in the river. Little we know that this was going to be a terrible experience for my family. Holding each other’s hand, My mom, Salman, Osman, Hamra, and me myself jumped into the river. We plan to just jump within the first feet from the river bank. How deep could it be? It was less than a feet deep, and it was not really a river. I was just I don’t know… It was shallow. And there we go, my mom slipped and falls into the river, and she got panicked. I swam near her and tried to bring her to the shore. I failed. I tried again, this time, I swam to and rest my feet on the ground of the river, while holding my mom and tried to push her to the shore. I tried this three times, the the third time, it was a success.I was in the water for quite a long time, for my mother pushed me down to lift herself- an involuntary action every person will do from getting drowned. I could not hold my breath anymore, and no matter how calm I was in the water, I might drowned myself, together with my mom but luckily God saved us. My dad was trying to save me and he was behind me, and Abu Bakar started crying, because I was in the water for a long time. Later Abu Bakar said he thought I was dead.

And this is one of the reason I will not buy a house, let alone a bungalow in Jalan Bakam since Jalan Bakam faces Explanade, the place where I almost get drowned. I am still in trauma. My mom don’t want to think about this thing. She is trying to forget about this whole thing.

I realized a lot of things from this experience. What is the most important thing in life? Money? CGPA? Cars? The most important thing in this world is Iman.

I am promising myself that I will be a lot happier next year. I will be calmer, more hardworking and I will not let people or things to make me down. I am an independent person, who tries to obey God while at the same time, trying to taste success in this world.

2010, here I come!

A New Day

2009-10-20T18:51:00.000-07:00

So, what's going on? I am about to do my assignments now. Just want to remember you guys that it's a new day. Make use of it. Fill it with doing beneficial things. Do not waste your time and I am also telling this to myself. Have a nice day!

Please, Use Your Brain

2009-10-20T09:29:00.000-07:00

Recently I happen to come across many people who apparently are wasting the most advanced and efficient biological structure-the brain. These people simply do no think. I guess they are assuming that thinking process is too difficult and it is meant for geeks and nerds. These people speak without considering their choice of words. Words hurt. Sometimes it hurt bad. Sometimes, we can play with words. We can make jokes with words. And it's actually fun, if it it done at the right time. And when you make fun of people while they are not in the mood to joke, you are just trying to lit a lighter in a room of methane gas. Luckily, I still can be patient. I don't like to quarrel. Never. It's bad for me. But, if I am pressed too much, do not blame me for doing bad and mean things.

****

Suddenly I was shocked with the sound from firecrackers explosions. What a good timing huh? It happened right in the moment where I am in the bad mood. So you guys do want to lit the lighter huh? Better don't. Believe me, I have not let my emotion burst for a long time already and I do not want to do that. The last time I did it, I almost killed somebody.The reason, a very very small misunderstanding. I promised myself to be rational after that and I hope I can keep the promise. I hope "promises are meant to be broken" is not true.Amin.

****

You guys do not worry about me. This post might sound like I have a bomb in my hand but honestly I am okey. I am just pissed off with some of my friends. That's it.And I can deal with it, the Muslim way, of course. Patience, after all is half of the iman (belief or faith). I am smiling now, looking at my beautiful mattress.

Just Woke Up...

2009-10-09T17:52:00.000-07:00

Just woke up. What a relief! The tests are all over.No more hectic weeks. No tension.
Waaa I am so happy!

But wait, I don't know what to do now. Too much free time.And I am alone. I am afraid of loneliness.Gurlp...

Now this is crazy. When there are too much work to do, I would be unhappy and when there are nothing to do, I would be lonely. Ironic

This is what I usually do during my weekend.Facebook

* * * *

Today, I am going to Ipoh. To have some fun. Hoefully it would be a memorable day for me. I am really looking forward for a great day. I hope that today's "outing" will make me feel better, emotionally.

By the way, I am now trying to sell my books. Foundation books. Interested?

How's Life?

2009-10-09T08:09:00.000-07:00

It has been quite a while since I last updated my post. I am sorry for not updating (although I don't really feel sorry-sorry for what? It's my blog!) So, in this post, I will briefly tell my about my life for the past few months.

Last semester, something very important happened in my life. However, I am not ready to post it here because I believe in the Internet, once you post, it stays forever. Simply put, I am really happy that it happened to my life. I appreciate it.

So, let's talk business here. In the beginning of the semester, I was so devastated emotionally. I did not have the mood to study. No excitement. No enthusiasm. Nothing. At one point, I felt like I don't want to study. I thought it is a long, useless, pointless and an excruciatingly slow process which leads to something that is not worth it. The reason? I did not get the Dean's List award last semester. I tried my best. Okay not the best, but it was somewhere near. I worked hard. I was consistent throughout the semester. But then, it just didn't happen. It just didn't. Talking about over-confident, I was so confident, so confident that I will get Dean's List that I actually bought a full set of formal attire. I was thinking of buying a suite, luckily I didn't.That was the intensity of my overconfidence. And, when I didn't not get Dean's List, I was heartbroken. So much. I could not not accept the fact that I was not in the list. It was just a list...

Being a person who ALWAYS tries to hide things, I tried to hide my feelings from everyone. From people I love, from my family and also my beloved friends. I was acting normal, which I did badly. That's why my friends were saying that I am facing problems since I was always looking sad.

Nevertheless, from my parent's support, my friends and people I love, I recovered. I realized that life must go on. 8 more semesters to go.I was happy again.

***

Somehow, the pain came back during the Foundation Graduation Ceremony last Wednesday. I was so jealous of students sitting in island A. Those were students who scored GPA of 3.5 and above in the previous semester. I was supposed to be there. I was supposed to be there. I felt so bad..

Things changed when Dr. Balbir, Head of Foundation Department of UTP gave his speech. It was an impromptu one.But it managed to impress me. It motivated me. Lucky me. So, now, I want to focus in my studies, and study smartly. Hopefully I can get into the list this semester.Insyaallah.

Success never comes easy. Never. And, there would be no fun if it comes easy, don't you think so? So, study hard, smart. Do not put yourself in pressure. Enjoy your life. And pray for the best.

Kan?

A long Journey To UTP

2009-02-18T00:06:00.000-08:00

Failed in UPSR, in Form 1, I went to an ordinary school, not a boarding school and get enrolled to the third last class in my batch.There were 1A, 1B, 1C, 1D, 1E, 1F, 1G 1H.I was enrolled in 1F.Although I failed my UPSR, i still managed to pass all my subjects,thanks to my teachers. Learning Science and Mathematics in English was of course quite difficult for me in the begining. I still remember I have to struggle understanding the word "phenomena", "basic quantities", "simplify" and many more. Being in non-elite class in non-elite school, me and my classmates have little motivation to study. Well, its not surprisng because during class, my classmates would be talking nonsense, creating the environment as if there is no teacher in the class. Even some of the teachers gave up teaching us dedicatifly because of our behaviour. Teachers "running away" during class was a normal experiance for us. We made a few teachers cry because some of us would simply stand against the teacher, throwing a few bullets of bad words at her which in turn would injure their hearts.And thats how the year passed.However, I managed to learn Iban and get better grades ( in this context, it means i did not failed in any subjects).

In Form 2, I was enrolled in 2B ( 2 Bistari).I was an overnight superstar at my school among my teachers because for them it was remarkable for a 1F (Fasih) student to climb the hierachy considering the mentality of 1F students of my batch. From 2 was a calm period for me academically, and I once again outscored others to be the best student in my class.

In Form 3, I managed to go to the top hierachy of classes in my school.I went to 3A!!!. I was truly satisfied but somehow terrified looking at students in the class. "Battle of the Titans are about to begin".However, due to strong motivation to beat the "legend" of my batch, i managed to be the second -best student in my batch during the first exam. I was beaten by a mere margin, by the "legend" particularly due to his unmatched English marks.Nowbody was even near to him in English subject. The second trial was a victory for me because I was the top scorer and I won with a record marks over my rivals.The record was then beated by my brother.And, for the rest of the year, I went up and up, improving my marks from B's to near A's.During the final trial, I managed to get 4A's. I worked hard for the final weeks before PMR and I managed to get straight A's.

I was the household name during Form 4.Well, that's an exeggeration. I was like the unbeatable in my school.It was a perception actually. Many students would ask me how many hours do you study, and honestly I only studied 1 week befor exam and that's why it was hard for me to be the top scorer.And as the time passed, I become more confident, thanks to Jessley and I made many new friends.

In Form 5, I have to face huge pressure from my teachers.Well, it was good in the sense that I would always stay focused. I started going to tuition since the end of year holidays (during this time I befriend with Anis, a student from SM Sains Miri) . Along the year, I have stonger bonds with my friends (some of them are in the picture), I was ready to talk in front of the public. Although my results were getting better, I never imagined being in the university the next year and getting a sponsership was a far cry! At the end of year, many of us were nervous because SPM was near and sad because the wonderful time that we had together would end :( .

After the SPM result were released, I was surprised to know that I managed 9A'S and 1B. I thought the B would be for Sejarah (History) but istead it was EST thatv spoilt the day.Anyway, I was happy and the entire afternoon I spent filling forms for university applications,scholarships/sponserships applications.I managed to go to JPA interview, but i did not get it and shortly later, I flew to Kuching for EduCamp.During the interview, my perfomance was good,alhamdulillah.The interviewers, one of them who would later I found to be a senate member of UTP,head department of Civil Engineering was nice, talking to me for about 20 minutes for individual interview although the allocated time was 10 minutes if I'm not mistaken.The other interviewer was a women,she was also very nice, but i could not find her here yet.I was happy.The interview was held at Rajah Court Hotel, Kuching.The thing I remember most about the hotel is its Nasi Lemak which where very delicious. Kevin, who was also there, together with me ate two dishes of the Nasi Lemak during the last day of my staying at the hotel.

Then, one day, after coming back from Boulevard Shoping Complex together with my family, I opened my computer and I browsed Recom.org which is a forum for Malaysian Students to check any news about interview results.I saw many comments saying that the result has came out. I immediately checked my results and alhamdulillah, I got the sponsership.I was happy.On July 12th, I stepped the university for the first time.

An introduction

2009-02-17T06:25:00.000-08:00

Hi everybody! First of all, I would like to introduce myself.My name is Abuzar.You can call me Abu or Gui or Abuzar would be better.I am an international student, well not really although I have to cross international waters coming here.I am from a beautiful city,Miri,Sarawak.My ethnicity is Pakistan but I am fluent in Bahasa Melayu,Bahasa Sarawak,Pashto and i can speak broken Iban and Urdu/Hindi(really broken). I look forward to blogging as a medium for me especially to share my thoughts.Also, I hope by blogging, I would improve my English because since Form 5, It has been very rare for me to write.So this is my chance!.Once again, welcome to my blog. :) I'm the one wearing yellow Baju Melayu.

A.L.F

*I am tired *

My new year resolutions

2009...

A New Day

Please, Use Your Brain

Just Woke Up...

How's Life?

A long Journey To UTP

An introduction

I am tired